Monday, 28 September 2015

Breaking the silence

I can't believe that it has been almost 8 months since I last posted anything!  But let me start at the beginning.

My dad died very suddenly in November last year.  It was such a shock to the system!  He fell and broke his leg - not such a big deal right?  That's what we thought.  But we were wrong.  Ten days later he was dead.  Just like that.  One day he was here and then he wasn't.  My family and I were left reeling.  What the hell had happened?

We moved through the motions of doing all that needed doing while dealing with the fallout of his death.  As he had come to hospital with what appeared to only be a broken leg, his passing seemed out of character and his attending doctor requested an autopsy.  The consequence of that is my mother was interviewed like a criminal to determine whether or not his broken leg was a result of foul play.  It made life far more unpleasant than it already was.

In the end, many weeks after the trauma began it all came to an end and we had a memorial in his memory so that everyone could have a chance to say their goodbyes and pay their respects.

Initially, I felt I was coping well and seemed to be going on with everyday life.  And then suddenly, out of the blue, one day I was sitting at the PC and it felt like I'd taken a heart shot.  It was like I couldn't catch my breath.  My eyes welled with tears and it felt like my world was collapsing in on itself.  I didn't understand what it was but I felt raw and emotional.

And just like that it all came to a halt.  I stopped reading, I stopped writing, I stopped being creative.  It was like I didn't have a creative bone left in by body.  It was the most bizarre thing.  Each day seemed to blur into the next and before I knew it I hadn't been on social media in months, I hadn't blogged or written or interacted with anyone, anywhere, anyhow.  Not even in my personal capacity.  I just seemed to have withdrawn from the world into a bubble of my own making.  So much for coping.

Fast forward a few months and we're gearing up for a conference that I'd signed up for.  My writer friend and I were in constant contact making plans, booking events and accommodation and just as suddenly I felt a little spark of interest in life flicker.  Slowly but surely as the days counted down and the conference got closer, I was getting more excited about it.  Meeting like minded people, learning more about my craft, talking writing, publishing and more.  Excitement grew.

Just as suddenly that passion for all things writing was back.  Thus ends the silence.

To those of you who have patiently waited out my silence and withdrawal, MANY, MANY thanks.  You are the reason we do what we do.  To please you.  To entertain you.  To bring a little more magic to your everyday life.  Thank you so much for giving me the necessary time to grieve the loss of a man that meant so very much to me and giving me the opportunity to say goodbye as befits the love that I hold in my heart for he who was my dad, my mentor, my champion.

This poem has always had much meaning, even though I have battled to honour the words in these past months.  But in this moment I pay tribute to my father as I miss him but let him go.  I love you Daddy!

Edgar A. Guest

When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room.
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little – but not too long
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared,
Miss me – but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take
And each must go alone.
It's all a part of the Master's plan,
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds.
Miss Me – But Let me Go!

Until next time, continue to be kind to each other.  You never know what someone else is quietly suffering through.

Much love,
Angelé  xx