Wednesday, 21 January 2015

Love like you're still dating

Happily, the hubster and I celebrated 23 years of marriage in December (2014).  He is my twin flame.  The other half that makes me whole.  And while I could, quite literally, survive losing him, I wouldn't want to.  People (and many of them being family and friends) don't understand the deep and intense bond that we share.  But it works for us.

People ask how we've managed to stay together for so many years but when we answer them they recoil like we've just informed them we sacrifice puppies under a new moon.  What do we tell them?  We keep working at our marriage.  We treat each other with respect, we say please and thank you no matter how small the gesture, we consider each other when making important decisions, and a myriad of other little things that go a long way to making this marriage of ours a happy one.  I'm not saying that it's perfect and that it's all sunshine and roses but we work on getting past speed bumps in the road.  We don't just throw our hands up in the air and decide we're done.

I'll never forget.  We were chatting to a lady one day about marriage ... I'm not quite sure now how we got on to the subject and, as per usual, when we mentioned we'd been married for how many years it was at the time she asked the question.  "So how do you do it?"  The hubster smiled and said, as per usual, "We work on it."  Cue said recoil.  "Oh no," she replies, "you shouldn't have to work on a marriage.  It doesn't require work.  Otherwise there's something wrong."  We found out sometime later that she was in an extra-marital affair.  'Nuff said.

Recently I read an article written by a gentleman after his 16 year marriage came to an end and my heart absolutely ached for this man.  It was sad to see that he finally "got it" when it was too late.  I encourage you to read his article.  He had so much wonderful insight - his hindsight was definitely 20-20.  Read his beautiful article here.  But to summarise it for you, these were his 20 main points.

  1. Never stop courting...
  2. Protect your own heart...
  3. Fall in love over and over again...
  4. Always see the best in her...
  5. It’s not your job to change or fix her…
  6. Take full accountability for your own emotions...
  7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her...
  8. Allow your woman to just be...
  9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously...
  10. Fill her soul everyday…
  11. Be present...
  12. Be willing to take her sexually...
  13. Don’t be an idiot….
  14. Give her space…
  15. Be vulnerable… 
  16. Be fully transparent...
  17. Never stop growing together…
  18. Don’t worry about money...
  19. Forgive immediately...
  20. Always choose love...

These are many of the principles we apply in our marriage ... and remember, ladies, it's not just him that has to put work into it.  We all have a hand to play in keeping that flame burning brightly.

As I look forward to many more happy, blessed years with the hubster, I wish the same for you.  In whichever way it works for you.  But whatever you do, love like you're still dating. 

Much love,
Angelé xx


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